Saturday, October 18, 2014

Relationships: Hey man, what do you want a girlfriend or wife for?

Lots of us people, especially us guys accustomed to near total freedom, have personalities that simply don't lend themselves to love relationships.  Why do I know this?

I'm one of them.  I grew up as an only son accustomed to doing whatever I wanted when I wanted when I wasn't in school or working.  I have to admit that I had the kind of sex life that I shouldn't have had with numerous types of women.  I admit that I was a promiscuous youth and I admit that since I was misusing my body, my soul likely lost the ability to love for real.

I did try having relationships and not one of them was satisfactory.  There's not a single relationship that I was ever in that I would ever want to repeat. Not one of any of the women would I ever try to re-relate to. 

It's not exactly a bad thing though. I have lots of time because I devote my free time to doing art and blogging and reading.  I get fulfillment from activities such as these.

Of course society prefers that a man forget himself and his needs and try to love someone else.  But what if we don't know how to love or want to learn how to love someone as in a relationship.

What should such as man do with his his life? If you're a man and if you look back and realize that you didn't like any of the relationships you were in, what should you do about that?

Since I am a born again christian, and don't worry, I'm not here to preach, I have a suggestion.  Leave your the fate of your relational life or would be relational life to God's will for your life and quit torturing your life and don't bother rethinking that over and over again. 

We've all done it.  What's wrong with me that I can't relate or fall in love?  Remember that song, "What kind of fool am I?" There's nothing wrong with you if you can't fall in love because you may not know how to fall in love because falling in love may not be for you after all. 

Just try to enjoy your life as best as you can. Yes, you're entitled to please yourself as long as you don't go about hurting anyone else.  Let other people find their own happiness.

This blog is a self-service mindset remedy for advising you, if you're a man to reducing the misery in your relational life. Write off relationships if you know you don't enjoy them.

What society wants for you may not be for you. Society wants you to conform to what is good for it, not necessarily good for you. You don't owe society that kind of cooperation.  Yes, we all love in a society and we should cooperate with one another.  However, there are two different types of concession we all make.

There are social concessions. I make those. There are things that we should make concessions on; after all, there are things that other people have to offer that we need. There are things that we may have to offer that others need. That's a reasonable attitude. Giving up a few conveniences here and there because it offers its compensations is a realistic attitude. That's social concession. It's worth making so we we make that sort of concession. 

But I said that there are two type of concession. The social concession is one of them.  What's the other type of concession, the type of concession you should not make? 

That would be the concession of principle. Making a concession of principle is compromising your principles. 

If you know that you're not good at relationships because you're basically self-centered and would be a lousy lover and would make the other person miserable and that would make you a phony, then getting into a relationship to see if you can change or because others demand that you sacrifice your selfishness for love -- is a horrible mistake. Don't do it. Don't give in to the pressure. Why?  You're probably going to feel you have cheated yourself and put yourself inside a cage by having listened to that nagging. 

You're doing both yourself and that other person a huge favor by staying out of relationships. In my book, if you don't want to love or share your life entirely with someone else,and you get into a love relationship - you are compromising your principles because your basic principle is to live for yourself and you're getting into something because other people demand it of you.

If you're the kind of guy who goes into a club at night and looks at women like a whoremonger looks over prostitutes in a whorehouse to see which one is pretty enough or sexy enough to go to bed with, then know fully well, that you're the kind of guy who falls in love with beautiful women's beauty and the women themselves. And you're very likely bad relationship material. 

If you want to go out with a woman to fight boredom or to have a date companion for some event or to have a pretty woman to go out with, you're doing yourself and women a huge favor by restricting your dating to going out with escorts and forgetting getting a girlfriend.

In summary, you need to ask yourself questions before you get other people involved with you. Be fair. Don't use a woman who wants a real relationship if you know that you don't want to love for real.



Sunday, September 28, 2014

Love Relationships: The Need for Relationship ED (Relationship Education)


Aside from men with evil or just selfish intentions toward women such as players, pimps, and PUAs, how many men know what they're doing when they're dealing with women?

Not that many I would guess.  Women are far more relationship oriented people than are most men.  Men are not good at even communicating with women as potential lover candidates. Women get frustrated at this.   


They’ve been trained by society that men should be the aggressors but men don’t aggres well and then things fall apart because so many of us men relate so poorly to women – hard feelings result in the hearts of men and the women find this annoying.

To me at least, I would say that this interpersonal alienation is so unnecessary but will persist unless men are trained to relate to women effectively, to communicate with women effectively.  So many of us men are so poor at interpreting body language cues that women give out. 


So many of us men are poor at initiating even small talk with women. So many of us men are so unsophisticated and clumsy at dealing with women as potential love candidates that women get sore at us and we get sore at women.

It shouldn’t have to be this way at all.


What it takes to reverse this problem is relationship education for both men and women.  For men and women to relate well to one another rather than give up on the opposite sex is for both genders to get training or education to get to know each other, to know what the other sex expects from us, and what is realistic for us to expect from the opposite sex. 

I don’t think we men want to perceive women as enemies of ours. I don’t think that women want us to see them as our enemies. 


However, as one chat session with a woman I conversed online with once, taught me was that this woman expected men to know what she wanted from him without communicating her expectations to him from the onset.  She was married and divorced three times and co-habited with three more men. Not once, she said, had she communicated what she wanted from any of these six men.  No matter she was so frustrated and disappointed.  Men are not mind readers.  


They need to be led and taught and validated and educated as to what to do when in a relationship with a woman.

So, it is the purpose of this article to communicate to all people out there that there few men who naturally handle themselves well in relationships. If men and women are to relate well enough with one another, then there have to be relationship schools and relationship courses designed to handle these challenges.


The pornography industry has profited so well from this alienation between the sexes so much so that for many men, the only ideal women are those women that they meet in their imaginations and that real women are becoming more and more undesirable.  

When you have anti-marriage strikes, when you have misogynistic websites rising up and when you have groups like MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) in which the main concept is men renouncing further efforts to try to develop relationships with women and go it alone – believe me, Relationship Education is Needed and needed badly. 

The flip side is – do the women want us men to give up on them and go our own way without ever again trying to relate to them?  That’s the choice: educate us on how to relate to them or have us give up on them.


This is a challenge to women and men both to state your fifty cents worth in this topic.  We can make life better but it's not going to improve by itself as current trends in male-female relationships show.  I cannot do all the mental heavy lifting by itself.  This could be my last chance to help to try to make things better. Or maybe, they shouldn't get better. Lots of people like having excuses to fall back on when frustrated. I don't know.